Yes, i am drunk. And i didnt wan to make myself drunk. But i really have no choice. I have to make myself sick, pain, tired, giddy, so that i wont think so much. Its ereally not fair, you are having fun there and i have to suffer the lonesome here.
I keep telling myself to wait, wait wait. But there is always a limit to it. 30 hours already. Too much, if you havent know, you are too much. I thought you had forgotten everything, but i know, you havent. Ya, my fault. God know its my fault, to have said so many to you, so many bad things to you.
After writing this, i am going to give up. Really give up. i cant take it anymore. You say i m controlling your life. Look, who is controlling whose life? How you withstand a relationship if you dont control the other person's life? But the way we control each other, is getting out of hand.
I really cant take it anymore. I love you, but i m not sure about you. I know you used to love me too, but you had changed. Maybe i should change too. Too bad, fate is really fooling with us.
Pain, pain and pain. All i feel now is hurt. Yous ignorant is scaring me, it make me feel so small. Too small. I wanna gave up, really very soon.
Looking at all your past smses, i really feel jealous. Jealous of how we used to be. Ya, maybe you think it is my fault, i admit, i know its useless saying a million sorries. Its too late. We, or rather, i had lost. Sorry.
Who is the one who say will contact me when its free? 30 hours? Really, i had decided. End it tonight. Let it go ba.
Although it hurts badly to do so.
And yet, i love you.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Rehab
This whole week totally did nothing in camp. Sleep at 4am and wake up at 2pm everyday. Now my bio-clock is so weird. I cant even sleep in the middle of the night. Moreover i have to book in soon for the CNY celebration. Then at 2pm book out, then at night book in again for guard duty. Few days more to CNY already lor, but i havent done any shopping yet. But i doubt i will buy any stuff ba, cos i am seriously broke. Haiz. My diners club bill was $366 this month. Speechless.
This week alot of things happened also. I really wanna thank Yixian, Candy and Agnes. Especially Yixian, thanks for picking up the calls and listen to my neverending conversation. Thanks.
But after talking in and out out and in, conclusion? Still dont know. Think this will really go on for quite sometime ba. Let fate decide it. All i know now is that, i wan everything to get better. And continue. So that when either of us is happy, the other party will be happy too. Maybe, i cant control anymore. Like what Agnes say, if we can control, everything will not be called love anymore. Maybe the reason being because its love, that is why we have to go through all these thick and thin together.
May we be happier and stop all these unnecessary fights. I will try. Hope you will too, because your happiness is the only solution to the our unhappiness. Lets go through these, together, (forever).
This week alot of things happened also. I really wanna thank Yixian, Candy and Agnes. Especially Yixian, thanks for picking up the calls and listen to my neverending conversation. Thanks.
But after talking in and out out and in, conclusion? Still dont know. Think this will really go on for quite sometime ba. Let fate decide it. All i know now is that, i wan everything to get better. And continue. So that when either of us is happy, the other party will be happy too. Maybe, i cant control anymore. Like what Agnes say, if we can control, everything will not be called love anymore. Maybe the reason being because its love, that is why we have to go through all these thick and thin together.
May we be happier and stop all these unnecessary fights. I will try. Hope you will too, because your happiness is the only solution to the our unhappiness. Lets go through these, together, (forever).
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Weekiat's Birthday
Just woke up not long ago, now going to prepare to go camp soon le. Lol. Yesterday was a fun day! Lets dont talk about the morning. Lol. At night, we went to celebrate Weekiat's birthday. He came fetching me, Mark and Mary with his father's car. Went over to Vivocity de Marche to eat. Everything was so expensive lor. Its my 2nd time there. 1st time was so many years ago, with Xinyi, Chisuen they all. Lol.
After eating we wanted to go Mt Faber, but after driving up and down, still cant find the place. Then we gave up, went over to the Jurong Hill to view the scenery. Everything was so nice. So windy and beautiful. Haha. Then we dont know where else to go, thus we looked into the map. Flipped to page 40, and decided to go to Lim Chu Kang. And we drove there, the road was so dark. Went passed the haunted New Tiew Village and kept drving endlessly. Finally we drove into the Kranji Farm Resort. Had some drinks and played cards. That place was so defined and nice. Totally seperated from the city urban livings. And we thought of booking the resort one day. Lol.
Next we went to mark's house. Sat under his block and chatted alot about animals. Lol. At about 3am, we sent Mark home. Then Mary home. Then me and Weekiat went nearby Mary's house to have roti prata. Finally, reached home at about 4.15am. Used computer and smsed people. Slept at 6.30am. Haha.
Had a really fun day. Thanks Mark, Weekiat and Mary. =)
Happy 19th birthday Weekiat.
After eating we wanted to go Mt Faber, but after driving up and down, still cant find the place. Then we gave up, went over to the Jurong Hill to view the scenery. Everything was so nice. So windy and beautiful. Haha. Then we dont know where else to go, thus we looked into the map. Flipped to page 40, and decided to go to Lim Chu Kang. And we drove there, the road was so dark. Went passed the haunted New Tiew Village and kept drving endlessly. Finally we drove into the Kranji Farm Resort. Had some drinks and played cards. That place was so defined and nice. Totally seperated from the city urban livings. And we thought of booking the resort one day. Lol.
Next we went to mark's house. Sat under his block and chatted alot about animals. Lol. At about 3am, we sent Mark home. Then Mary home. Then me and Weekiat went nearby Mary's house to have roti prata. Finally, reached home at about 4.15am. Used computer and smsed people. Slept at 6.30am. Haha.
Had a really fun day. Thanks Mark, Weekiat and Mary. =)
Happy 19th birthday Weekiat.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
About You
Just finished smoking (again). Feeling very giddy everytime i smoke. I really think i shouldnt smoke already la, but everytime alone will feel like smoking, hate that fucked up feeling lor, but stll smoke. Haha.
Anyway, just came back from that field camp. Can say did alot of things, also can say did nothing. Lol. Slept alot in the vehicle. Then realized that i gt so many many many insect bites on my body. Itch like shit lor. Zzz. Anyway think dont wan talk about the camp lah. Think noone wan to know about it also lor. Lol.
But the field camp really made me think alot. Alot about us. When i really thought of giving you up, fate gave us a chance to have such a heart to heart talk. Thanks for making me feel better. At least i know what you are thinking now. Really enjoyed the time i have with you. =)
Went to watch the Ong Bak 2. Really, like what the magazine rated, its a 2 star movie.Really feel like i just wasted the 8 dollars lor. Out of the 4 movies i had watched recently.This is really the worst lor. Ip Man is surely the best lor. I'll give it a 4 star. Bolt i will give 3.5 star. Bedtimes Stories i will only give 3 star lor. Lol.
Go sleep le ba, maybe tomorrow then carry on the blog. Haha.
Anyway, just came back from that field camp. Can say did alot of things, also can say did nothing. Lol. Slept alot in the vehicle. Then realized that i gt so many many many insect bites on my body. Itch like shit lor. Zzz. Anyway think dont wan talk about the camp lah. Think noone wan to know about it also lor. Lol.
But the field camp really made me think alot. Alot about us. When i really thought of giving you up, fate gave us a chance to have such a heart to heart talk. Thanks for making me feel better. At least i know what you are thinking now. Really enjoyed the time i have with you. =)
Went to watch the Ong Bak 2. Really, like what the magazine rated, its a 2 star movie.Really feel like i just wasted the 8 dollars lor. Out of the 4 movies i had watched recently.This is really the worst lor. Ip Man is surely the best lor. I'll give it a 4 star. Bolt i will give 3.5 star. Bedtimes Stories i will only give 3 star lor. Lol.
Go sleep le ba, maybe tomorrow then carry on the blog. Haha.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Thanks 2008
PEOPLE I WAN TO THANK IN 2008:
1. AGNES SEOW, thanks for sharing so much with me, the 11 years of friendship indeed mean alot to me. Thanks for being there when i need you the most. Ya, i'll be there for you too.
2. CANDY CHUA, thanks. I think we are starting to know each other alot more better. These 11 years have been wonderful with you around me in my life. Really.
3. KATHREN SEEK, because you are Kathren, u cant be missed in this list, its as simple as that. Thanks for the effort you put into this friendship in these 9 years.
4. MOON TAN, sorry for cracking jokes out of you, but i really enjoy doing it. I may not be important in your life, but you are surely important to me. Thanks for the 8 years. Hugs.
5. AZEN CHEANG, for all the helps and joy you bring into my life. This friendship shall never end. Never. The 10 years shall end with a zero behind.
6. YIXIAN, all the things we share are just so amazing, think you have the best chemistry with me within all my friends. Thanks for the 7 years of friendship. Everything is such a bless.
7. WEEKIAT, all the singing memories, the SLIP memories, the happy and sad thing we exchange, the secrets we share. 6 years already. So damn fast.
8. MARK HO, similarly like Weekiat, everything, everything. So fast 6 years already. May we get our license soon. Good luck!
9. CECILIA LEE, you always look so bubbly. Thanks for the 7 years of memories. Cant forget the time we had under your block when we were young. So simple yet fun.
1o. CARYN GOH, ya, your jian fu. All the money-saving-things we did in school was so fun! Miss all the recesses. These 5 years were so joyful. Thanks!
11. SZEWEI, nothing much to say, but you have to be in this list, it wont be done without your name on it. Thanks for the 5 years of exciting friendship. I miss you (too).
12. MARY GOH, thanks for being such an understanding and nice friend. Really sorry to have troubled you all these while by going to your house. 5 years also le. Jiayou ah!
13. RICKY, ya, you wont read these, but for all the joy you given me, you have to be in here. Thanks for making me frown and smile at the same time.
14. SISTER, thanks for understanding, helping and caring. Seriously, i swear i have the best sister in this world. All my friends know that. And i know that a million times more than them.
15. YOU, because i miss you now. Thanks for the time you'd given me. May it go on endlessly. Hmmm.
1. AGNES SEOW, thanks for sharing so much with me, the 11 years of friendship indeed mean alot to me. Thanks for being there when i need you the most. Ya, i'll be there for you too.
2. CANDY CHUA, thanks. I think we are starting to know each other alot more better. These 11 years have been wonderful with you around me in my life. Really.
3. KATHREN SEEK, because you are Kathren, u cant be missed in this list, its as simple as that. Thanks for the effort you put into this friendship in these 9 years.
4. MOON TAN, sorry for cracking jokes out of you, but i really enjoy doing it. I may not be important in your life, but you are surely important to me. Thanks for the 8 years. Hugs.
5. AZEN CHEANG, for all the helps and joy you bring into my life. This friendship shall never end. Never. The 10 years shall end with a zero behind.
6. YIXIAN, all the things we share are just so amazing, think you have the best chemistry with me within all my friends. Thanks for the 7 years of friendship. Everything is such a bless.
7. WEEKIAT, all the singing memories, the SLIP memories, the happy and sad thing we exchange, the secrets we share. 6 years already. So damn fast.
8. MARK HO, similarly like Weekiat, everything, everything. So fast 6 years already. May we get our license soon. Good luck!
9. CECILIA LEE, you always look so bubbly. Thanks for the 7 years of memories. Cant forget the time we had under your block when we were young. So simple yet fun.
1o. CARYN GOH, ya, your jian fu. All the money-saving-things we did in school was so fun! Miss all the recesses. These 5 years were so joyful. Thanks!
11. SZEWEI, nothing much to say, but you have to be in this list, it wont be done without your name on it. Thanks for the 5 years of exciting friendship. I miss you (too).
12. MARY GOH, thanks for being such an understanding and nice friend. Really sorry to have troubled you all these while by going to your house. 5 years also le. Jiayou ah!
13. RICKY, ya, you wont read these, but for all the joy you given me, you have to be in here. Thanks for making me frown and smile at the same time.
14. SISTER, thanks for understanding, helping and caring. Seriously, i swear i have the best sister in this world. All my friends know that. And i know that a million times more than them.
15. YOU, because i miss you now. Thanks for the time you'd given me. May it go on endlessly. Hmmm.
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